Long Time, No Chat

It's been a few weeks. Okay, probably a month, at the least. If not more. But what can I say? Lift just got in the way.

As did Bones as the show started up again. In addition, I try to stay updated on: Psych, Criminal Minds, Modern Family, and I've also recently begun The Mentalist and Community.

Oh and I can't stop watching pieces of this beautiful show on youtube.


So, obviously, I'm pretty preoccupied.

Okay, okay. But I do have some legit reasoning. Working a few odd jobs in Cedar, sorting out my future- every few weeks I get a new email about my future work at Disney World in Orlando, FL where I will be next January. Then I had a ridiculous three page paper to write.

And Nano!
Which is what we insiders call it. To the rest of you, it's National Novel Writing Month. There's more to November than Thanksgiving, Christmas music, and No-Shave-November. This project is for writers all around the world who choose to start a novel and write 50k [that's five thousand] words within those 30 days.

My only problem is that as incredible as my story will be- outlined with 22k so far- I just keep getting immensely distracted with... well, more stories. I had started one earlier this year which I finished just today- 72k! Plus just last week I started something else and I've already written about 15k and I really don't want to quit on that because it's just so much fun, you know?

But I'm going to still and do what I can. The story I'm doing for this is one I've been working on for about three years and it means a lot to me. I've put in so many hours of work for it and it's just special.

Among other things, I'm trying to relearn patience around those closest to me. I've gotten better at expressing myself instead of hiding things away like I have done most of my life [I didn't think people would really care or want to listen]; but as I've grown more blunt, I've lost patience and some empathy which I've always understood completely.
It's a tough life, really.

Anyways, I'm eating out every day and watching at least two-three movies a day as well doing hardly anything but sitting on my bum constantly here at my grandparents for Thanksgiving. They've splurged so much on me, i love it but it almost makes me sick.

Sort of excited to go home. My... excitement has been draining lately. All day, really. Or yesterday? No, today. But hey, I need to learn patience, right?

Hopefully I'll pick this up and pretend people don't even know what's going on in my life right now or something like that.
Fare thee well!

Tied Together [In A Pretty Bow]

Soul mates. Touchy subject, much?

Anyways, I thought that maybe my blog should be a little more than useless updates about my daily life [hello, facebook], and share thoughts and things as well.

This is something I think about more as I get older, obviously.

As everyone knows, I adore writing along with reading. 'Jane Eyre' has never been one of my favorite novels, I should inform you, because it was so unromantic. Strange characters with severe faults in even the good ones who were so bland. Just not my type. My type is 'The Tale Of Two Cities' where Sydney sacrifices his life for the woman he loves, whom he can never have because she's married with a child [or more?] to a man who looks like his twin, so that her family can be together.

So is there someone out there, specifically meant for each of us?

Answer: Not exactly.

When I finally came to that answer, it sort of hurt. I always believed myself to be a hopeless romantic [turned hopeFUL romantic by This Century band], and for love to feel so impersonal doesn't seem so right.

The reason I don't say no straight off the cuff, is because of two things- one, I am LDS and I believe in patriarchal blessings, and I do believe that some of them will tell certain people much about the person they will spend eternity with.

Number two gets a little more complicated. It feels slightly detrimental, I suppose [am I even using that word right? probably not]. Contradictory, who knows....
Okay, well let's just start with the opposing view and I can transition if I do this right:

I have met some really, really weird guys in my short span of life. Guys that seem to like me. When I get the chance to leave their company, I try to imagine a future life that includes them [I actually do this with quite a few people, trying to decide how long I will know them before they leave], and I know that if I worked very, very hard to become humble and to be more kind, I could share a life, a marriage with them.
But then I pull back, and I know that while it is possible, it will not happen. To change that much would be to entirely change who I am, who I have created, and perhaps even who I am meant to be. I would have to entirely evolve to survive with that person. So as I consider that, I realize I can't do it.

Now, I think I've put us all in a tizzy. I think that was my two points then?

Positive, however: as I've just shown, I can't get myself to marry just anyone. There are some personalities that simply are not compatible with mine. If you are extremely messy or constantly whine then I cannot long endure your presence, for example. [Although I realize I just described a kid but be reasonable, with your children you love them then you deal with them]
Some personalities simply click, just like some don't. I believe that the idea we are all puzzle pieces could be a good example- but instead of just one fit, we have a few. I've met some great guys who, I think, I would enjoy being around for a long time, maybe forever.

People can be picky. They think there are "soul mates" and maybe, for some, they are destined to find a particular person. In fact, I've actually had a few friends tell me- or tell people I know that told me- who have said I don't need to look, I will know him when I see him. And who knows? Maybe they are right, maybe they aren't.

I really, really don't think boys do this, but I know plenty of girls do- they make lists of the sort of man they want to marry. I remember many sacrament meetings in church, making those lists. They began very absurd, I recall.
My list often included:
Dark hair, green eyes, six feet tall, tan, good skin, thick hair, strong teeth,
Likes walks on the beach, very physically fit,
Likes books especially classics, listens to rock and roll, loves movies but not horror, not a big sports fan, RM, good job that pays well but lets him stay home

Ridiculous much?
It has, thankfully, changed through time. While I am still attracted to darker, curly hair, not everything is absolutely necessary. My list is narrowed down to 2:
-He needs to be a returned missionary thus strong in the gospel
-My best friend

Living in a house with four other girls can be tough, all of them wanting boyfriends and the like. But me? I've used logic to back out, maybe even trick myself out of this. After all, I'm nineteen and I want a returned missionary which means he needs to be at least 21, and I don't think I'm ready for that age difference just yet so I have about 3ish years to study, work, and become a good enough person for him, whoever he is and wherever he is.

So why worry now?