Friday, December 2, 2011

That's Just Mean

Song: Ho Ho Hopefully- The Maine

Mood: my stupid eye is bothering me I need something to deter my attention

Something scary: how much five strangers can mean to you. Especially when a lot of the people I'm surrounded by sometimes don't mean a thing. You would think it's completely reversed that the people I get to talk to change my life over and over with our interaction.

Of course. All you have to do is just look at them:

See? But anyways. I did want to dedicate a whole piece to it but I figured it wouldn't be of interest for one thing, and for another it really wouldn't end.

BUT THEIR NEW ALBUM COMES OUT IN FOUR DAYS OKAY FOUR. 12/6/11 is going to be a beautiful day. You should listen to The Maine. Honest.

I spent about $15 to preorder. Then I just spent some money for Christmas gifts. I'm quickly going broke. And you know why? Because I would take a step here and take a step there and I kept walking in the wrong direction.

Funny how much my family thinks I save. It's almost laughable. Sometimes I wonder how much they think I have stashed because they seem to think it's quite a bit. They say how I'll never go broke because I always save so much.

A secret: just because I don't buy expensive items, doesn't mean I save. It just means I have plenty of money to spend on many more things. Unfortunately.

I've just been trying to figure it out. Studies show that money spent more on moments mean much more than buying items. Which seems obvious after you consider it, whereas I rarely do/go anywhere if it's going to cost me. So I've been slowly trying to focus on where I do want my money to go, where it'll mean the most. At first, I tried to loosen up as though money doesn't matter.

Except at this day and age, it kind of has to.

For me, personally, it's pretty vital. It means I can do something and more specifically, be somewhere. Because as much as I love my family, there comes a time where it really feels like the point of no return, and I only want to be there if necessary.

Holidays excluded. Of course it's time with the family!

But then again... I guess it does imply I should be growing up.
We'll see. Often I feel constrained because of my religion in what's appropriate, even for having my own house sometime. Even other members may see my ideas and wonder what my deal is. It bothers me that [as much as I love the tykes], children have to be considered asap as well as marriage.

So it makes me selfish, I understand. But hey, if I'm going to be a mother someday, I'm going to enjoy it- my way. We're going to build forts, eat celery sticks straight in the peanut butter jar and sneak an extra cookie now and then.

I'm rambling, aren't I? Well, it is getting pretty late, I suppose. I'll just leave you with some of my favorite house ideas, then? Most of them are bedroom options. But man, are they wonderful.

And one more for now: [it's not close to half]

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Gratitude For Dummies

If you've looked through my past posts, you might realize something: I barely have any of my own pictures up. Instead, I amuse and intrigue you with other- hopefully delightful- snapshots. Maybe because I just don't the moments well and maybe because my camera sucks. But I will be posting a few pictures soon, I promise you this.

This year, Thanksgiving was a bit different.

First, I spent the last week with my grandparents. Wednesday to tomorrow, Friday morning. Pretty intense, especially if you know them. My grandma has Alzheimer's which isn't as amusing as it used to be. I'll have the same conversation with her five times all over, plus she likes to tease a little harshly. My grandpa tries to take it and is a good man, but there's not much he does about any of it except to get patient after a few times.

So it was just the three of us. Last night, my grandma woke up in the middle of the night and spent a long time in the bathroom, tossing up the sweets she'd had that day [too many]. So we weren't sure if we'd make it to Chuck-A-Rama.

Morning came and surprise, she was doing better [lots of prayers will do the trick]. So we left about 9:30, got there 9:45 and they usually don't open until 11 AM. But they told my grandpa, waiting in line, they'd open at 10:30 A line was starting to form but hey, we were the first ones in line!

We were leaving by 11:30. I enjoyed two hot chocolates, three different dishes of turkey alongside chicken, a roll, corn, and more. I barely even managed any dessert at the end, I was full.
Then we tried to stop at Barnes & Noble but of course they were closed. I spent maybe an hour back at the house talking to my family- sort of really missed out on the family Thanksgiving at my uncle's. Our family gatherings get so much more interesting the older you get, after all.

Movie time commensed, and that's how we spent the rest of the day. My grandparents headed to bed about 6PM and I've been in my little hut since, trying to find things to do on the computer after packing up to go back in the morning.

Thanksgiving just felt... very... unconventional? I don't know, I can't think of the right words, if there are even any of those...It didn't feel like any different day, I suppose. Which was disappointing- if there is any reason to celebrate, I want to celebrate!

Back to working on my story, I suppose. Making another bucket list as well ;)


i am thankful

for my health, because it’s good 90% of the time so i can have fun, and enjoy nature

for my friends; because the ones who leave me have still taught me something and for the few who stick around because it reminds me i am worth something

for my schooling because i have paid for it all by myself, literally and emotionally

for the music and bands in my life because they remind me every time when i feel alone, someone will always be there

for my Heavenly Father because of all He has given me and all that He teaches me whether i like it or not

for my talents because without them, i would be twice and lost and they give me hope

[for my pet dog because he fits in my family perfectly and his soul is beautiful and hilarious]

for my family, because i know they will never leave me no matter how much they sometimes may want to; because we can hate each other and be laughing again ten minutes later; because we are one crazy puzzle that fits together perfectly with our faults, weaknesses, strengths, and love

Monday, November 21, 2011

Writing Is Righting

Song:"Fix It" by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

Feeling: Slightly tipsy, almost amused, and downright depressed

I know. That's what I get for drinking ginger ale four days in a row. I'm such a sinner. But I've never been one to turn down drinks so what can I do?
But seriously. I do attribute my recent moods to the food around me. I eat eggo waffles or cereal for breakfast and three hours later I'm at Chuck-A-Rama or Subway, and then I have a milkshake, a banana, and maybe chips later. I could blame my grandparents, seeing as they're the ones paying for everything, but maybe I shouldn't.

The reason I'm almost amused is because I'm right at work writing my novel! I've written almost a thousand words in the last hour which is actually incredibly sad. I'm usually a lot farther along. This is difficult.
Here's a short piece I just wrote:

“How are you feeling? Did you get some rest? You didn’t… stay out long,” she adds softly. “Hungry?”
People ask so many questions like they deserve every answer but that’s never made sense to me. Of course, who is to decide who deserves what? I glance at the ceiling but there’s not an answer to be heard nor found. Trying to quell my disappointment, I glance around and wrap my arms against my own skin in a tight hug of protection. “N-not.”

Sometimes when I write, I really enjoy it. I even laugh now and then. For now and then, a word or two is poetic and other times it just turns out really funny. To me, anyways. I wouldn't know what others would see because no one has seen all of what I have so far, to be honest. A piece here and there for a few, but um... yeah. It hasn't been shown.

Now for the depressing bit.

My favorite band is The Maine. Their new album [I already preordered, obviously] comes out in FIFTEEN DAYS. 12/6/11 cannot come soon enough, that's what.
Anyways, the new album is titled "Pioneer"
And for it, they just started a TOUR going the rest of the year.

Short, I know. But so perfect. They're playing from every album, including every song from the new album. I've seen the track listing but they're trying not to share all the songs just yet. These wonderful amazing guys have gone out of their way to do all that they can- they've helped pay for fans to drive there, for tickets, and for rides home just alone- and for "Pioneer", they self-produced and paied for everything. Are these boys rich? No, not really. But they wanted to do that for themselves, and for their fans.

Tomorrow night, they'll be playing close to my home. As in California. As in, where I am currently way too far away. I still don't think you can understand my frustration.
Which is why tomorrow I will most likely go crazy and during that lonely time where people are watching them, I'll be on here, telling everything you should know about these wonderful, adorable, and talented boys.

So... yeah. It's going to be pretty sad tomorrow. Especially because my grandparents are tired about and always in bed by 6 PM.


Sunday, November 20, 2011

Long Time, No Chat

It's been a few weeks. Okay, probably a month, at the least. If not more. But what can I say? Lift just got in the way.

As did Bones as the show started up again. In addition, I try to stay updated on: Psych, Criminal Minds, Modern Family, and I've also recently begun The Mentalist and Community.

Oh and I can't stop watching pieces of this beautiful show on youtube.

So, obviously, I'm pretty preoccupied.

Okay, okay. But I do have some legit reasoning. Working a few odd jobs in Cedar, sorting out my future- every few weeks I get a new email about my future work at Disney World in Orlando, FL where I will be next January. Then I had a ridiculous three page paper to write.

And Nano!
Which is what we insiders call it. To the rest of you, it's National Novel Writing Month. There's more to November than Thanksgiving, Christmas music, and No-Shave-November. This project is for writers all around the world who choose to start a novel and write 50k [that's five thousand] words within those 30 days.

My only problem is that as incredible as my story will be- outlined with 22k so far- I just keep getting immensely distracted with... well, more stories. I had started one earlier this year which I finished just today- 72k! Plus just last week I started something else and I've already written about 15k and I really don't want to quit on that because it's just so much fun, you know?

But I'm going to still and do what I can. The story I'm doing for this is one I've been working on for about three years and it means a lot to me. I've put in so many hours of work for it and it's just special.

Among other things, I'm trying to relearn patience around those closest to me. I've gotten better at expressing myself instead of hiding things away like I have done most of my life [I didn't think people would really care or want to listen]; but as I've grown more blunt, I've lost patience and some empathy which I've always understood completely.
It's a tough life, really.

Anyways, I'm eating out every day and watching at least two-three movies a day as well doing hardly anything but sitting on my bum constantly here at my grandparents for Thanksgiving. They've splurged so much on me, i love it but it almost makes me sick.

Sort of excited to go home. My... excitement has been draining lately. All day, really. Or yesterday? No, today. But hey, I need to learn patience, right?

Hopefully I'll pick this up and pretend people don't even know what's going on in my life right now or something like that.
Fare thee well!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Silly Suits

Song: "Happy Endings Are Stories That Haven't Ended Yet" by Mayday Parade

Feeling: The awkward moment when you're very curious to know who you've pissed off in the past, and why.

I'm not kidding. James came over today to keep to his promise about my guitar springs. Last month he got out my acoustic guitar to play and broke a string and he promised to fix them. Last night Tuesday was in town and he stopped over and I was just annoyed at a lot of people and so we sorted that out wonderfully.

Anyways, he was fixing my strings and we started talking about people pissing us off sort of, and I asked him if I'd ever done that to him. He said no but I have done it to people before.

So, you know, obviously I'm painfully curious now. It's more interesting than finding out who likes me [although I don't think anyone does...?], although he won't say.

Now growing up, I tried to make things easier for others. I tried not to argue but let people step over me for what they wanted. I kept a lot of my opinions and questions to myself, just so I wouldn't bother people. In fact, I could completely override my own emotions just for others.

-Then I realized that was wrong, your feelings always matter no wonder the case, and I guess I flipped all the way around, to sort of not caring.

I'm a bit more blunt now. You can't read my expression half the time so I look upset, sad, or angry [apparently, I wouldn't know] and my humor's just gotten a bit more dry. Oh, and I'm a little more blunt about the company I don't like.

Clues for unlikable company:
Not meeting the eye
Being distracted by everything else
Conversation continues to fall flat
No smiling

Please, I hope people start to understand clues like this. I'm pretty pro at being obvious about it lately, I believe- although I'm afraid there are some very [painfully] socially awkward people about. It's just not healthy nor right, really. At one point it just crosses the point from entertaining to just...horrible.

For our sakes:
Pay attention to the direction of the currently flowing conversation
We know you want attention, but people were talking, want to talk, so take turns
Dress well [if you're not five, then wear matching articles of clothing]
Before you say anything, repeat it to yourself
Be considerate
Too friendly is too creepy

And that's just a starter. Okay, so some say fashion doesn't have to do with who you are- but who are they kidding? In this society, we make snap judgments and label people within the first few seconds of meeting- not minutes, but seconds. I, personally, feel I'm pretty good at figuring people out and I'm rarely, if ever, wrong.
Okay, so I was wrong, once. But only slightly.

The way you dress describes who you are. Wearing Juicy is like wearing fake prada- it's a brand but it's not that quality so you look like you're trying to climb up the chain. With something like Prada or Vuiton [???who cares??], you look a bit like a snob. If your clothes don't match, you probably look five and thus socially incapable of anything. If you're dressed super down without hair done, you look tired, hectic, and somewhat poor. If you wear a constantly visible belt buckle and cowboy boots, you're most likely a [wanna be] hick.

Yes, I'm talking to you, Utah.

Now, this mostly amuses me, actually. My roommates come from Wyoming, Utah and Texas where we all believe the cowboys, real or not, began. They all like cowboys. And I don't. Which I sort of pride myself on now, although I'd probably take a liking to any man from a Louis L'Amour book, to be honest.
But really, now. Hunting, riding horses... they're all the same. It's a little disturbing, and I don't find it attractive, to be quite frank.

Of course, I don't necessarily find a man in a business suit and buzz cut attractive. The latter never is, in my view. Nor are sweats attractive [that goes for girls also] Well, I'm not necessarily attracted to any man in a suit- unless it's Ryan Gosling in 'Crazy Stupid Love.' And a man in a loose tie and rolled up sleeves could pull off with a skinny tie.

Then again, I always was picky. What can I say? I have high standards. I don't want to hang around just anyone. After all, you do come to be a lot like those that surround you. So, I try to be surrounded around more of... quality, I suppose you could say?
Hey, no one's perfect...

This was an interesting post. I'll probably come back to it someday and laugh. I blame this strangeness on Psych, which I watch daily. A few episodes a day, to be honest. A little unhealthy I guess, we'll see.

However I'm finally working on a proper outline of my novel. I wanted this done by the end of November, although I doubt that will happen. Though I do hope to get a bit farther- I don't want this to take years in the making. I've already spent three years on it, and I don't want much more because it deserves to truly progress and finish becoming.

Enough ranting.

Other news: I'm finally beginning to understand my Physics class, thank goodness. And I'm selling a few items over the web to make some money and it's slowly working.

BIG NEWS: Next semester I'm moving to Orlando, Florida! Not going to school, exactly= the Disney [World] College Program. January 11- May 11 2012, I will be working on the Attractions- not sure which one[s] yet!- at the park. I'll have an ID there so I can get in when I want. I'll have housing nearby with a bus that will take me to work for free everyday and to the grocery store down the street. I'll also be taking a course, most likely about the innovation of business, and it may be taught by high business executives and the like. I can't wait :)

So no, it's not school. And I won't come back with much money [hello, disney world, and trips to universal studios!!!], but I believe it's important for me to properly "fly the coop." Not like a criminal, but to finally go alone into the world and learn that way. Everything I've ever done was with either of my sisters or a friend, and doing this, I won't personally know anyone at first in the program.
Very terrifying. But I've fasted and I've prayed to Heavenly Father, and we've both decided together that it's something I need to do!

Feel free to visit me. I can get discounts, if you ever want to go to a park or something. Or just visit me. Please. Haha

Have a swell day, my sweets.

Monday, September 26, 2011



I could slap myself for forgetting. I've been so obsessed with trying to find a job and take care of things I forgot about the evident change in weather! How could I be so silly? After all, it's my favorite time of the year!

And it's not just because of the food. Honestly. Mostly.

I mean, it involves things like this:

Big sweaters! Thicker tights. BOOTS. Hats and scarves! I guess school is always a pretty good thing- I may actually begin understanding Physics, thanks to my pestering for help from friends. Warm clothing, school, crunchy leaves, the introduction of hot cider and hot cocoa. And, as checking my sister's blog, TV SHOWS

I just had to post his face, okay? I mean, just look at him. I'd take Matthew Gray Gubler any day. Raised LDS, curly dark hair, real glasses, beautiful man, so creative, productive, and only about ten years older! Perfect, right? I know, that's just what I need to tell him.
Criminal Minds is a wonderful show that's started back up again. I need to catch up about two seasons, but still. I'm totally thrilled, I swear. So besides Criminal Minds, Bones will start up in November I believe, then Pretty Little Liars plus Modern Family should also be about to begin. Then one of my favorite band's will be releasing a new album!

I'd like to consider myself well rounded in my tastes, by the way. Anyways, since I've wisely spent my time so far today [eight minute shower, two hours of study, made rice for myself and a friend, planned an evening hike with Katie and ran by the post office], I'm going to spend the rest of my day reading "Dating For Dummiess" and no, I'm not joking. It's a very good laugh, honestly. Plus, I should probably change- bright purple tights, jean shorts and a purple plaid shirt may be a little extreme for FHE, what do you think? Katie says "it hits the fence" or something along those lines.
But hey. It's fall. All tights are in, right??

I'd like to leave you with Garrett Nickelsen, the other boy I plan on marrying.

I know silver isn't proper for autumn- or me, either.
HOWEVER. if somebody bought me this from Hot Topic for like $15 for Christmas
I swear to love you forever.

HAPPY AUTUMN. Don't go falling for anyone except for those who truly leave you a better person every time.

Sunday, September 25, 2011


Bro. Humiston with his kids Andrew, Nathan, and Natalie, Bro. Wells and his kids Brittany and Ryan accompanied by a kid, Brandon, and my younger sister, Jordyn, all headed up to Zion this past week for some hiking in Zion National Park.

Yesterday, we were invited to join them at Angel's Landing. Though somewhat sick, Katie, Jenee and I all decided to go. We headed up- got in free!!- and spent about half an hour waiting for the group to return from their morning hike.

After lunch, we headed up! The very beginning isn't that bad and it's the easiest part. The moment it got steep, I went to the very back and stayed there the rest of the trip. Bro. Wells didn't want to leave anyone behind and his kids wanted to do the trek with them, so they lagged far behind as well.

It was embarrassing and if I had the energy, I would have used it to laugh at myself. I hadn't thought I was so out of shape, or maybe it's my heart, or maybe the eleveation or maybe it was all of that together. But I was so close to giving up, especially because we never knew how close we were or not.

It took us two hours- which isn't that bad because the usual is three apparently- to get to the top and then walk across the very end of the spine to find our group all lying about. They had to have been there for quite a while, that's all I know. At the top without the chains, Bro. Wells grabbed my arm [plus a few times before] to keep me from falling which was, to be honest, somewhat embarrassing. But I accepted his help [humility, oui?], and managed to make it to the top.

-I should mention that Andrew ended up taking my backpack to be a gentleman, I think his father had convinced him, and it was actually very light compared to everyone else's bags [Andrew hadn't had one before], except he also took my water bottles with him and so I helped drain Bro. Wells' water- but I gave him one of my waters at the top which he drained.-

The way back down wasn't as hard, but it still took over an hour. It was so steep, I felt something in my back and then in my ribs being pinched. We took our time on this as well, in the back, and enjoyed the scene and what we had hiked up before. Bro. Wells and I were very much the slowpokes and eventually found everyone in the freezing cold river.

Not everyone, but mostly. I got my ankles in but that was it because I wasn't hot or sweaty so much coming down or anything. A few jumped up, and we chatted a little before heading out.

A few people got changed and we had a mix up with the rides with Katie and Andrew heading off, but I enjoyed being around those familiar people again as they waved at strangers driving by.

We joined one another for dinner and I had a booth with Jordyn, which was quite fun because we got to chat and seeing as we've sort of been busy this summer with our own activities, and we don't talk on the phone or anything else, it was just nice.

Altogether, I thought the day, though near to my death, went well and was well spent although I had missed several things in order to do this. I realized, however, I hadn't spent so much time looking around on top as relaxing- I was more centered on myself than where I was.

I think I regret that. But at the same time, I'm not sure how much I would have gotten by staring out before me. I know that may sound vain, stupid, or ridiculous, but the magnanimous thoughts people seem to get about things while up in the mountains, sometimes I just don't understand. And personally, it is a lot of rock. It doesn't even sparkle. It's Utah, after all.

Which really makes me sound mean. But can I honestly apologize for what I think? It would contradict myself. Maybe someday I'll see more, though, we shall see. I do know however, there is something great out there, especially at that height in that space and everything- something surreal and bigger than us all.

I will end with my packing list you should always use for a hike:
=If you don't have a camelback or anything, bring at least two waterbottles
=Energy fueled snacks, like jerky or granola bars. A piece of fruit for the top
-Wetwipes [something to clean hands]
-And of course, a camera.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tied Together [In A Pretty Bow]

Soul mates. Touchy subject, much?

Anyways, I thought that maybe my blog should be a little more than useless updates about my daily life [hello, facebook], and share thoughts and things as well.

This is something I think about more as I get older, obviously.

As everyone knows, I adore writing along with reading. 'Jane Eyre' has never been one of my favorite novels, I should inform you, because it was so unromantic. Strange characters with severe faults in even the good ones who were so bland. Just not my type. My type is 'The Tale Of Two Cities' where Sydney sacrifices his life for the woman he loves, whom he can never have because she's married with a child [or more?] to a man who looks like his twin, so that her family can be together.

So is there someone out there, specifically meant for each of us?

Answer: Not exactly.

When I finally came to that answer, it sort of hurt. I always believed myself to be a hopeless romantic [turned hopeFUL romantic by This Century band], and for love to feel so impersonal doesn't seem so right.

The reason I don't say no straight off the cuff, is because of two things- one, I am LDS and I believe in patriarchal blessings, and I do believe that some of them will tell certain people much about the person they will spend eternity with.

Number two gets a little more complicated. It feels slightly detrimental, I suppose [am I even using that word right? probably not]. Contradictory, who knows....
Okay, well let's just start with the opposing view and I can transition if I do this right:

I have met some really, really weird guys in my short span of life. Guys that seem to like me. When I get the chance to leave their company, I try to imagine a future life that includes them [I actually do this with quite a few people, trying to decide how long I will know them before they leave], and I know that if I worked very, very hard to become humble and to be more kind, I could share a life, a marriage with them.
But then I pull back, and I know that while it is possible, it will not happen. To change that much would be to entirely change who I am, who I have created, and perhaps even who I am meant to be. I would have to entirely evolve to survive with that person. So as I consider that, I realize I can't do it.

Now, I think I've put us all in a tizzy. I think that was my two points then?

Positive, however: as I've just shown, I can't get myself to marry just anyone. There are some personalities that simply are not compatible with mine. If you are extremely messy or constantly whine then I cannot long endure your presence, for example. [Although I realize I just described a kid but be reasonable, with your children you love them then you deal with them]
Some personalities simply click, just like some don't. I believe that the idea we are all puzzle pieces could be a good example- but instead of just one fit, we have a few. I've met some great guys who, I think, I would enjoy being around for a long time, maybe forever.

People can be picky. They think there are "soul mates" and maybe, for some, they are destined to find a particular person. In fact, I've actually had a few friends tell me- or tell people I know that told me- who have said I don't need to look, I will know him when I see him. And who knows? Maybe they are right, maybe they aren't.

I really, really don't think boys do this, but I know plenty of girls do- they make lists of the sort of man they want to marry. I remember many sacrament meetings in church, making those lists. They began very absurd, I recall.
My list often included:
Dark hair, green eyes, six feet tall, tan, good skin, thick hair, strong teeth,
Likes walks on the beach, very physically fit,
Likes books especially classics, listens to rock and roll, loves movies but not horror, not a big sports fan, RM, good job that pays well but lets him stay home

Ridiculous much?
It has, thankfully, changed through time. While I am still attracted to darker, curly hair, not everything is absolutely necessary. My list is narrowed down to 2:
-He needs to be a returned missionary thus strong in the gospel
-My best friend

Living in a house with four other girls can be tough, all of them wanting boyfriends and the like. But me? I've used logic to back out, maybe even trick myself out of this. After all, I'm nineteen and I want a returned missionary which means he needs to be at least 21, and I don't think I'm ready for that age difference just yet so I have about 3ish years to study, work, and become a good enough person for him, whoever he is and wherever he is.

So why worry now?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Call It off

Feeling: 'Big Jet Plane'

The Maine Cover Songs

Emily, I'm finding the recipe for you now, hon, don't you worry!

As for the link, if it loaded correctly- my favorite band covering a song by Angus And Julia Stone, plus Nirvana. I'm listening to it now. My headings will probably introduce a new song to you and kudos to you if you know it!

I'm still sick. And it's seriously irritating me. It's been nearly a week, and I have this absurd cough that's just killing me. This gives me a headache and I can barely sleep. It frustrates me, being unable to control this. They don't usually last this long, either. I just hope it ends very, very soon- and that I haven't gotten anyone else sick!!

There's also a flying ant infestation in Jenee and my bathroom. We bought bug spray and will see if that will work. Let me know if you know of soemthing that works. They're coming out of the shower drain, it looks, plus a hole beside the toilet plumbing. And apparently it's happened before -.- But we're guessing there may be a nest or something beneath in next to the plumbing. I already knew this house was totally crappy, I'd come by before. It's old, cracks everywhere, etc. The things you do for friends...


Enjoy. Please tell me how it works out!

Apparently Andrew Humiston and his family, plus my sister, and a few others are coming up past to Zion to hike Angel's Landing. Katie's been invited along with a few people and that's how I heard so it seems like I wasn't necessarily invited which is totally offensive. Not that I blame anyone. I'm slow and a scaredy-cat and I know how to complain and be grumpy. But still, honestly? Ouch, man. Ouch.

Anyways, trying to work on my future best seller! Will eventually get to it. I swear I must be insane, because the thing is, I can prepare for anything but the hassle is actually accomplishing that. So I have notes for symbolism and places and phrases, etc. But it makes me nervous.
I've even worked on the message it's supposed to send across. Unorganized but personally important all the same:
To show we are all human- different with each of our own talents, struggles, weaknesses, strengths and victories. We don’t have the right to judge others. That there is always hope- and the possibility of change. We are all worth something.
Even when we are at our best, we will never reach our potential- it always continues to rise.
When we are at our worst, we learn who really loves us and who will always be there. FAMILY. Heart and blood. Just because you don’t understand them, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s important to standby them, loyalty. Those bound by the heart are family too, in a deeper sense.
Dreams- keep them.
Humans are all different. We understand or misunderstand each other all the time, constantly. If we all understood, there would be no pain- and thus no joy.
Every moment matters.

Ta Da.

I was going to share something else, but I don't think you're really prepared for it. After all, you don't really know anything about it.
Not a lot of people know the whole, actually. In fact, only one person does.
Which, personally, is a sad thought.

I'm going out on a dangerous limb to share a serious thought, now, so don't you dare mock me for it. My parents, if you know them, are absolutely wonderful people. They take charge, except responsibility, and inspire greatness. They want the best for their children and try to teach us to be our very best. I love them and respect them for this.
It just hurts that they don't really care about reading my stories. I've sent pieces of 'haunting' poems and stories, but all they ever have time to read are the ones about America or our faith. And if they're short, really short.
So they do try, they're always telling me to do my best and they even said they would get me a writing mentor which I extremely am grateful for, because I have acknowledged that having one will be very necessary now. It just bothers me that they don't read what means the most.

Then again, none of us are important.
One of my favorite bands, Thriving Ivory, says "we are only human"

We are only human

Monday, September 19, 2011

Our Potential

Children do not like fairy tales because they tell us dragons exist. Children already know they exist. Fairy tales tell us that they can be destroyed. -G. K. Chesteron

I'm not positive how this is how it was first said, but it was said this way in Criminal Minds Season 3 Episode 5 at the very end. Which I've been watching between my studies [obviously not going so well].

They use the best quotes, even if misquoted. I absolutely love how they apply not only to the beginning or the conclusion of every episode, but how we can relate to them. This one I love the most, maybe, because I was a born dreamer.

I could say so much about this, but the quote says everything, and that's why comments like these are preserved through history. They are like photographs that carry a thousand words, but a line or two that carries a thousand thoughts and ideas.

Cartoons these days are so out of this world or ridiculous or so dramatic. It's hard to explain, because I grew up watching Bugs Bunny toss dynamite to Elmer Fudd[sp??] and both of them always survive. That, along with the classical Disney shows that kids don't watch anymore. My brothers don't even know what the Jungle Book is. They only know Spider Man from the current "graphic novels" and the newer movies. We don't have the classics where everything always turns out right and there's something of a lesson to it- or it's so absurd we already know it would be stupid to try it.

Anyways, we don't really have fairy tales anymore. We have Captain America and Superman, but no one really knows the Grimm Brothers anymore. They don't understand where The Little Mermaid really came from, and how not everyone doesn't have a happy ending. They don't know the stories of the Arabian Nights or about courage, valour, Shining Knights in Armor who rescues fair maidens who then love them and they run into the setting sun.

Is it better they don't know this? I'm not so sure. But I'll take Bugs Bunny and The Little Mermaid anyday before Phineas and Ferb or Degrassi.

Just as well, society is telling us that it's okay to be weak. Children are punished for protecting themselves in school. They are taught that there are no moral lines, and if you do not allow people to "be anything" then you are a bad human being and you don't deserve anything. They cradle people and don't ask them to pick themselves up when life gets hard, they don't tell them to look on the bright side and fight back those devils.

They're forgetting that we still have dragons, and that dragons can still be defeated. They will always be around, but it doesn't mean we have to allow them. Eventually, they will trample over us and they will win, if we don't fight back and protect ourselves. Dragons will always be here. But will you?

Saturday, September 17, 2011


Two followers. I feel special.


Anyways. I promise you chocolate.

Nutella Mug Cake.
If you ever make me some, I will love you forever.
That is a promise/warning

Side Effect:

May bring tears, irony, laughter, or strange thoughts, actions, and ideas.
Read at your own peril and enjoy to your limits.

If you ever have questions for me, ridiculous or serious or genius, I will do my best to answer, no matter what you ask. I accept the challenge whole heartedly.

Geniuses and Gizmos

Tuesday Taylor got a henna kit and was willing to draw whatever we wanted on our skin. I know, it's sideways, get over it please because I don't want to change it I'm too tired.
Anyways, it's supposed to say "Lost & Found" and I know people may look at it and say it's inappropriate, it's stupid, it's silly [hi, daddy], but I am not one of those people who decorates their body [with clothing, tattoos, etc] just because society is doing it.

[Comes from a drawing by Garrett Nickelsen. If I really, really, really, absolutely like and love and crave your company, then I will have shared my.... ehm, joy, of this young man probably. Or most likely, you are trapped with my company and often hear me whining about his pretty face. Either way, he's the bass player for The Maine]

I chose this because it means a lot. Religiously, emotionally, not physically, maybe metaphysically, etc. This little ghost with that sign just symbolizes sort of my life. I feel like I'm constantly being turned around and twisted upside down by the world, by those around me. I tend to take everyone's words into consideration, especially/unfortunately when it comes to me they are talking about.
-I've spent a lot of time overwhelmed and trying to figure myself out. To find out where I am, and who I am.
Finally, I'm learning that I don't exactly have to find myself, but create myself. And whenever I get lost, who knows? Maybe I am there for a reason, and maybe I can have fun and learn from where I am and whatever I'm doing.

This was a serious post.
But it will not end serious.
To the pictures that will always make me laugh:



^^You better learn what that's from^^

And people think I waste my time on the computer? Psh

Do you have any idea how beautiful that is?

So much goodness-


-Just realized Nessa may get offended but I assure you, it has nothing to do with you and your obsession with giraffes, I promise.

We still haven't reached my favorite oh my gosh so much goodness

^ Maybe that shouldn't amuse me as much

and THAT is my FAVORITE.
If you ever see me laughing to myself, I am most likely thinking of this.
I hope you laughed.
if you didn't.
your life
is not something I want
to have.

G'day mate

Holy Crap I'm Alive

I was going to start this upside down and inside out but realized that would take too much time and effort.
And we all know how much I just love... well, sitting around. Ish.

Anyways, I do have a more personal blog for my personal opinions, thoughts, and ideas, but that's way too private to be seen/read/found by anyone. Don't worry your little bun, you are special [after all, you are reading this], but no one should read that.

Hopefully, this one will work out. I've attempted normal blogs before and somehow they keep running away. Should I blame them?

Today: I woke up after almost six hours of sleep to a swollen throat, aching eyes, and a mean nose. Lesson learned, staying up for two days and a night is a really stupid idea especially when you don't nap and only eat ice cream during that.

The upside: I was with Tuesday Taylor at four in the morning the other day at Wal-Mart and they had a sweet collection of Star Wars shirts for 7.50. It took all my power not to buy them all [who wouldn't want to wear Chewbacca, really??], but I settled with that one.

So this post was really boring. I know.
Last thing: I want to make something like this for our house since Tuesday is leaving us all for Vegas and taking most of the house decorations with her:

Check it out. Now.
Buy me glue while you're at it?