Listings-

I love lists. This is a fact I haven't literally shared with anyone. Does this make me OCD? I have no idea. I have a bucket list, a weekly list, daily list, year list, I don't even know- just all sorts of lists okay?

Lists of shows I fell in love with in 2011:
Criminal Minds
Bones
White Collar
Modern Family
Pretty Little Liars [i hate it but i can't stop]
Psych
The Mentalist
Community
Sherlock

I'd do a list of books but I seriously read close to nothing. I'm so ashamed. My dad just forced me to start a book now because I haven't read a nonschool book in months. MONTHS. Do you know what that does to me? I don't think so.

Random fears:
Cows
Noises in the dark
pain
crashing/colliding
nails being pulled from my skin
paper cuts
no longer believing in love

Recent revelations:
All I need is love fudge
I can't read people like I thought I could
My wrists may be different sizes
I need new earphones
people should try to be a part of others lives outside of facebook
facebook prevents anything real
i need to progress to something better
I want to make cookies
conspiracies are too much fun and vastly amusing.
I should learn karate before someone decides to attack me

Favorite Songs of 2011:
'Time Bomb' by All Time Low
'Teenage Dirtbag' by Wheatus
'Don't Give Up On (Us)' by The Maine
'Come Fly With Me' by Frank Sinatra
'Believe In Me' by fun.
'Goodnight Moon' by Go Radio
'You're Dead Wrong' by Mayday Parade
'Hungry Like The Wolf' by Duran Duran
'I Like The Ones' by Austin Gibbs
'Counting The Stars' by Augustana
'Skinny Love' by Bon Iver
'All The Small Things' by Blink 182
'Everything I Own' by Bread
'Birds Of A Feather' by The Civil Wars
'Dance Magic Dance' by David Bowie
and
'Afternoon Of The Fawn' [sp??] by Claude Debussy

And I'm a girl. I need this okay?
Gorgeous men of 2011:
Ryan Gosling
Garrett Nickelsen
John O'Callaghan
Jared Monaco
Kennedy Brock
Pat Kirch
Jude Law
Robert Downey Jr.
Matthew Bomer
Simon Baker
Matthew Gray Gubler

^The majority of them are single.
I am single.
We have so much in common.

Any thing else? No more lists. It's midnight and I'm so done with you guys there are just too many readers you know.
Please note the lazy sarcasm.

The End Of The End

2011 was a tough year in a lot of ways.

It was supposed to be a good, fresh start- my first semester of college had been extremely tough and I hadn't wanted to return in the first place. And then starting the new year in tears hadn't been the plan either.

HOWEVER, I shall cover my favorite things of the year.

First, I did return to Cedar City for school, where I found the best of roommates-

[Somehow I don't have a picture of Lindsey who was always disappearing.]

Then I almost FINALLY met my favorite band of forever, The Maine. They were in a small venue in St. George with a few other local bands and I learned the week before they showed up they would be there. I scrambled for someone to join me but everyone was... what's the term? "Grouping up" or something. Let's just say I was single and they weren't.

I went anyways. Second row and I met them all!

I bought a poster and got that signed- the lead singer loved my 50 cent vest. ^ that's Garrett Nickelsen, their crazy bassist who I adore most because... well, there are too many reasons.

What else? Well, January-April were literally the best months of my life. I was constantly the third-, fifth-, or even the seventh-wheel, but I lived through it. I went dancing, won a hula-hoop contest, got clothes, had several game nights, I cried,I laughed, I ran barefoot in the rain- those days really were the best.

SUMMERRRRR

Wasn't too bad!

June, I spent as a live-in nanny. They picked me up Sunday evenings and brought me home Friday afternoons to watch their cute kid, Abby. I have too many adorable pictures, umm.....

I went to Warped once again, the "traveling concert" with Kei Riggins and her bro, Drex who were awesome. We met a few bands and I saw some of my new favorite musicians like Go Radio, Every Avenue, and more! It was incredible, hot, and too much fun.

OH OH OH OH OH OH.
Back in June, I saw The Maine AGAIN with Augustana and Austin Gibbs. It sort of beat the first concert, but in a way it didn't because my sisters picked me up too early so I didn't get the chance to meet any of them.

^ In order of their set, that's Austin Gibbs, John O'Callaghan of the The Maine, and Dan Layus of Augustana^

The weekend after my birthday, I also saw This Century who are personally good friends with The Maine, and I got to meet 3/4 of the band [ryan was deliberately avoiding us or something] But these guys were amazing though they had such a tiny crowd [somehow for some wierd reason, because the building should have been properly crowded]

THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Before summer could end, my family and I made our final trip with our family passes to Disneyland and California Adventures! We split up a time or two in various ways and grabbed pictures with some of our favorite people! I'll never be able to get enough of that magical place!

Shortly after, I returned to Cedar City after a bit of deciding. I remained a few days at home to give a lecture for her school group about the little voices in our heads that went well. Then I was up in Cedar, pretty alone without Jenessa there.

Still, I was living in the same house as Katie Barnes so that was good enough. I met the other girls as well as Jenee, who's just precious, and the crazy women, Jordann and Aleshea. Weird things happened but we went with the flow! A few parties, movie nights, bowls of popcorn and boys, and everything went well.

The last thing I should mention is the progression intooooo 2012!!

I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And not to visit- but to work there! I got accepted into their college program and chose that over Disneyland because it's cheaper [that defines half of mine decisions, I swear]. I'll get paid practically nothing and do a lot of boring work forever.

BUT it's a new place. New people. New everything.

And quite frankly, that's just what I need. A seriously new clean slate. It's something I've never really faced- anything I ever do, I do with someone else be it Jordyn my younger sister, Jenessa my older sister, or a friend- Stephanie, Kei, or Katie.

I've bought the plane tickets and I head out this following Tuesday for a flight to LA and then to Florida- a red eye, my favorite. It'll be my first time flying alone for one thing, and then trying to sort out everything after that.

Scared out of my wits like you have no idea but so excited. I'm ready for an adventure. 2012, HERE I COME!

*I intend, once I arrive, to update my blog every Sunday, if I'm lucky, to share how my new life is going! If there are certain details or anything you're ever looking for. My new address, a Disney discount, let me know ;)

That's Just Mean

Song: Ho Ho Hopefully- The Maine

Mood: my stupid eye is bothering me I need something to deter my attention


Something scary: how much five strangers can mean to you. Especially when a lot of the people I'm surrounded by sometimes don't mean a thing. You would think it's completely reversed that the people I get to talk to change my life over and over with our interaction.

Of course. All you have to do is just look at them:

See? But anyways. I did want to dedicate a whole piece to it but I figured it wouldn't be of interest for one thing, and for another it really wouldn't end.

BUT THEIR NEW ALBUM COMES OUT IN FOUR DAYS OKAY FOUR. 12/6/11 is going to be a beautiful day. You should listen to The Maine. Honest.

I spent about $15 to preorder. Then I just spent some money for Christmas gifts. I'm quickly going broke. And you know why? Because I would take a step here and take a step there and I kept walking in the wrong direction.

Funny how much my family thinks I save. It's almost laughable. Sometimes I wonder how much they think I have stashed because they seem to think it's quite a bit. They say how I'll never go broke because I always save so much.

A secret: just because I don't buy expensive items, doesn't mean I save. It just means I have plenty of money to spend on many more things. Unfortunately.

I've just been trying to figure it out. Studies show that money spent more on moments mean much more than buying items. Which seems obvious after you consider it, whereas I rarely do/go anywhere if it's going to cost me. So I've been slowly trying to focus on where I do want my money to go, where it'll mean the most. At first, I tried to loosen up as though money doesn't matter.

Except at this day and age, it kind of has to.

For me, personally, it's pretty vital. It means I can do something and more specifically, be somewhere. Because as much as I love my family, there comes a time where it really feels like the point of no return, and I only want to be there if necessary.

Holidays excluded. Of course it's time with the family!

But then again... I guess it does imply I should be growing up.
We'll see. Often I feel constrained because of my religion in what's appropriate, even for having my own house sometime. Even other members may see my ideas and wonder what my deal is. It bothers me that [as much as I love the tykes], children have to be considered asap as well as marriage.

So it makes me selfish, I understand. But hey, if I'm going to be a mother someday, I'm going to enjoy it- my way. We're going to build forts, eat celery sticks straight in the peanut butter jar and sneak an extra cookie now and then.

I'm rambling, aren't I? Well, it is getting pretty late, I suppose. I'll just leave you with some of my favorite house ideas, then? Most of them are bedroom options. But man, are they wonderful.

And one more for now: [it's not close to half]

Writing Is Righting

Song:"Fix It" by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

Feeling: Slightly tipsy, almost amused, and downright depressed

I know. That's what I get for drinking ginger ale four days in a row. I'm such a sinner. But I've never been one to turn down drinks so what can I do?
But seriously. I do attribute my recent moods to the food around me. I eat eggo waffles or cereal for breakfast and three hours later I'm at Chuck-A-Rama or Subway, and then I have a milkshake, a banana, and maybe chips later. I could blame my grandparents, seeing as they're the ones paying for everything, but maybe I shouldn't.

The reason I'm almost amused is because I'm right at work writing my novel! I've written almost a thousand words in the last hour which is actually incredibly sad. I'm usually a lot farther along. This is difficult.
Here's a short piece I just wrote:

“How are you feeling? Did you get some rest? You didn’t… stay out long,” she adds softly. “Hungry?”
People ask so many questions like they deserve every answer but that’s never made sense to me. Of course, who is to decide who deserves what? I glance at the ceiling but there’s not an answer to be heard nor found. Trying to quell my disappointment, I glance around and wrap my arms against my own skin in a tight hug of protection. “N-not.”

Sometimes when I write, I really enjoy it. I even laugh now and then. For now and then, a word or two is poetic and other times it just turns out really funny. To me, anyways. I wouldn't know what others would see because no one has seen all of what I have so far, to be honest. A piece here and there for a few, but um... yeah. It hasn't been shown.

Now for the depressing bit.

My favorite band is The Maine. Their new album [I already preordered, obviously] comes out in FIFTEEN DAYS. 12/6/11 cannot come soon enough, that's what.
Anyways, the new album is titled "Pioneer"
And for it, they just started a TOUR going the rest of the year.

Short, I know. But so perfect. They're playing from every album, including every song from the new album. I've seen the track listing but they're trying not to share all the songs just yet. These wonderful amazing guys have gone out of their way to do all that they can- they've helped pay for fans to drive there, for tickets, and for rides home just alone- and for "Pioneer", they self-produced and paied for everything. Are these boys rich? No, not really. But they wanted to do that for themselves, and for their fans.

Tomorrow night, they'll be playing close to my home. As in California. As in, where I am currently way too far away. I still don't think you can understand my frustration.
Which is why tomorrow I will most likely go crazy and during that lonely time where people are watching them, I'll be on here, telling everything you should know about these wonderful, adorable, and talented boys.

So... yeah. It's going to be pretty sad tomorrow. Especially because my grandparents are tired about and always in bed by 6 PM.

ENJOY LIFE IT'S THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE GETTING

Call It off

Feeling: 'Big Jet Plane'

The Maine Cover Songs

Emily, I'm finding the recipe for you now, hon, don't you worry!

As for the link, if it loaded correctly- my favorite band covering a song by Angus And Julia Stone, plus Nirvana. I'm listening to it now. My headings will probably introduce a new song to you and kudos to you if you know it!

I'm still sick. And it's seriously irritating me. It's been nearly a week, and I have this absurd cough that's just killing me. This gives me a headache and I can barely sleep. It frustrates me, being unable to control this. They don't usually last this long, either. I just hope it ends very, very soon- and that I haven't gotten anyone else sick!!

There's also a flying ant infestation in Jenee and my bathroom. We bought bug spray and will see if that will work. Let me know if you know of soemthing that works. They're coming out of the shower drain, it looks, plus a hole beside the toilet plumbing. And apparently it's happened before -.- But we're guessing there may be a nest or something beneath in next to the plumbing. I already knew this house was totally crappy, I'd come by before. It's old, cracks everywhere, etc. The things you do for friends...

EMILY THE RECIPE YOU MADWOMAN: http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/03/15/nutella-mug-cake/

Enjoy. Please tell me how it works out!

Apparently Andrew Humiston and his family, plus my sister, and a few others are coming up past to Zion to hike Angel's Landing. Katie's been invited along with a few people and that's how I heard so it seems like I wasn't necessarily invited which is totally offensive. Not that I blame anyone. I'm slow and a scaredy-cat and I know how to complain and be grumpy. But still, honestly? Ouch, man. Ouch.

Anyways, trying to work on my future best seller! Will eventually get to it. I swear I must be insane, because the thing is, I can prepare for anything but the hassle is actually accomplishing that. So I have notes for symbolism and places and phrases, etc. But it makes me nervous.
I've even worked on the message it's supposed to send across. Unorganized but personally important all the same:
To show we are all human- different with each of our own talents, struggles, weaknesses, strengths and victories. We don’t have the right to judge others. That there is always hope- and the possibility of change. We are all worth something.
Even when we are at our best, we will never reach our potential- it always continues to rise.
When we are at our worst, we learn who really loves us and who will always be there. FAMILY. Heart and blood. Just because you don’t understand them, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s important to standby them, loyalty. Those bound by the heart are family too, in a deeper sense.
Dreams- keep them.
Humans are all different. We understand or misunderstand each other all the time, constantly. If we all understood, there would be no pain- and thus no joy.
Every moment matters.

Ta Da.

I was going to share something else, but I don't think you're really prepared for it. After all, you don't really know anything about it.
Not a lot of people know the whole, actually. In fact, only one person does.
Which, personally, is a sad thought.

I'm going out on a dangerous limb to share a serious thought, now, so don't you dare mock me for it. My parents, if you know them, are absolutely wonderful people. They take charge, except responsibility, and inspire greatness. They want the best for their children and try to teach us to be our very best. I love them and respect them for this.
It just hurts that they don't really care about reading my stories. I've sent pieces of 'haunting' poems and stories, but all they ever have time to read are the ones about America or our faith. And if they're short, really short.
So they do try, they're always telling me to do my best and they even said they would get me a writing mentor which I extremely am grateful for, because I have acknowledged that having one will be very necessary now. It just bothers me that they don't read what means the most.

Then again, none of us are important.
One of my favorite bands, Thriving Ivory, says "we are only human"

We are only human