Friday, February 10, 2012

Hearts And Darts

Sound: MTV in the Background [kill me now]

Life update:
-I worked 10 days straight
-Working about 48 hours this week [overtime wooo]
-Including an 11 hour shift
-Plus my roommate swore and yelled at me yesterday morning which freaked me out
-Now it's my day off
-Which I'm probably going to spend mostly shopping for groceries
-And chilling by myself.

I've always wondered where my life would take me. And I mean that literally. To New York? Am I going to be stuck in Utah? Will I remain in California? What if I move to Ireland?

As I get older, I've been moving around. I mean, this is my SIXTH address in two and a half years. It's kind of scary. Maybe pathetic. Because it sort of looks like I keep running.

To something? From something?

I'm not letting it bother me yet, anyways. Not exactly. I'm young and I want to travel. This year I'm in Florida. Next year, I want a semester abroad. I'll go Romania or London or France or Italy. I want to see places.

>Especially Ireland. Since I was about 12, I've had this drive to go there. I don't know what to see exactly or who I'll meet or how I'll even get there and back- but I'm meant to go there, even if it's only for a few days.

My main point being, however, is I'm so focused on the places that I'm losing track of people. Maybe that line doesn't make sense but in a way, I don't feel really connected to people anymore. Not really.

I'm such a hermit. And sometimes it worries me. I just don't have the guts to change it. Even though there are some people I connect with, it seems pretty different.

They say love is being able to go away and come back and nothing has changed. I respect that. In fact, it's true. I come home to my family and it's like almost nothing has changed, you know? And I do believe I can return to some of my friends and we'll just chill out like always.

My question is, what about the distance and time in between? What do you have there? Are they not supposed to be there? Do I have to try and fill those lonely spots with new people, making connections where I won't see them again after a while? They claim facebook will work but let's face it. Honestly. Half the time, I just want to quit that thing. It's crappy and a pathetic excuse to "keep our friendships."

I don't know. Just a few things I've been thinking about, really. Mostly because all I do on my free time is read books [Stoker's "Dracuala" currently], watch movies ["Footloose" last night], and on the buses, I listen to my ipod [loudly so I don't have to hear people talking].

Of course, at work I do have to interact. I wave, I smile, I answer questions, I try to keep people safe, and sometimes between that, I ask them how their day is, laugh at their wise cracks, and so on. [it kills my feet daily but it beats being back at my apartment where I think all my roommates hate me]

So I don't know. Once you lose touch with people, is it really easy to get back into society? Make friends? Even keep your old friends? And for goodness sake, how are you supposed to even tell?

Well Valentines Day is coming up, and I have the day off. I actually plan to go chill out at the Magic Kingdom then which I'm most likely going to regret with all the couples there. I don't get that holiday, anyways. Sure, holidays can be selective like "mother's day" and all but really? And even if I did have someone [let's laugh about that for a second], I don't want him just mushy on one day of the year. Not that he has to always be mushy or anything... I just prefer surprises so I don't get high expectations or disappointed.

But the Vow does come out tonight. Who knows? Maybe I'll chill at Downtown Disney and go see it at the theatres, we'll see.

Sorry for the random thoughts, I just needed to write them down and I'll probably come back to them often [untyped?] because these are things I think about again sometimes.


[On the bright side, I bought a 'pillowpet'- of Stitch! We can both look funny, be outsiders, a little weird. But I'd like to think we're pretty cute and cuddly too]

1 comment:

  1. Yay for family! :)
    PS Make Valentine's Day about more than just a boy. That's what I'm learning from Laren this year. She LOVES Valentine's Day, because it's just celebrating LOVE! For anyone and everyone. :) That's what I'm going to focus on since I'm still ridin' solo. :) lol
    And I love you!