Listings-

I love lists. This is a fact I haven't literally shared with anyone. Does this make me OCD? I have no idea. I have a bucket list, a weekly list, daily list, year list, I don't even know- just all sorts of lists okay?

Lists of shows I fell in love with in 2011:
Criminal Minds
Bones
White Collar
Modern Family
Pretty Little Liars [i hate it but i can't stop]
Psych
The Mentalist
Community
Sherlock

I'd do a list of books but I seriously read close to nothing. I'm so ashamed. My dad just forced me to start a book now because I haven't read a nonschool book in months. MONTHS. Do you know what that does to me? I don't think so.

Random fears:
Cows
Noises in the dark
pain
crashing/colliding
nails being pulled from my skin
paper cuts
no longer believing in love

Recent revelations:
All I need is love fudge
I can't read people like I thought I could
My wrists may be different sizes
I need new earphones
people should try to be a part of others lives outside of facebook
facebook prevents anything real
i need to progress to something better
I want to make cookies
conspiracies are too much fun and vastly amusing.
I should learn karate before someone decides to attack me

Favorite Songs of 2011:
'Time Bomb' by All Time Low
'Teenage Dirtbag' by Wheatus
'Don't Give Up On (Us)' by The Maine
'Come Fly With Me' by Frank Sinatra
'Believe In Me' by fun.
'Goodnight Moon' by Go Radio
'You're Dead Wrong' by Mayday Parade
'Hungry Like The Wolf' by Duran Duran
'I Like The Ones' by Austin Gibbs
'Counting The Stars' by Augustana
'Skinny Love' by Bon Iver
'All The Small Things' by Blink 182
'Everything I Own' by Bread
'Birds Of A Feather' by The Civil Wars
'Dance Magic Dance' by David Bowie
and
'Afternoon Of The Fawn' [sp??] by Claude Debussy

And I'm a girl. I need this okay?
Gorgeous men of 2011:
Ryan Gosling
Garrett Nickelsen
John O'Callaghan
Jared Monaco
Kennedy Brock
Pat Kirch
Jude Law
Robert Downey Jr.
Matthew Bomer
Simon Baker
Matthew Gray Gubler

^The majority of them are single.
I am single.
We have so much in common.

Any thing else? No more lists. It's midnight and I'm so done with you guys there are just too many readers you know.
Please note the lazy sarcasm.

The End Of The End

2011 was a tough year in a lot of ways.

It was supposed to be a good, fresh start- my first semester of college had been extremely tough and I hadn't wanted to return in the first place. And then starting the new year in tears hadn't been the plan either.

HOWEVER, I shall cover my favorite things of the year.

First, I did return to Cedar City for school, where I found the best of roommates-

[Somehow I don't have a picture of Lindsey who was always disappearing.]

Then I almost FINALLY met my favorite band of forever, The Maine. They were in a small venue in St. George with a few other local bands and I learned the week before they showed up they would be there. I scrambled for someone to join me but everyone was... what's the term? "Grouping up" or something. Let's just say I was single and they weren't.

I went anyways. Second row and I met them all!

I bought a poster and got that signed- the lead singer loved my 50 cent vest. ^ that's Garrett Nickelsen, their crazy bassist who I adore most because... well, there are too many reasons.

What else? Well, January-April were literally the best months of my life. I was constantly the third-, fifth-, or even the seventh-wheel, but I lived through it. I went dancing, won a hula-hoop contest, got clothes, had several game nights, I cried,I laughed, I ran barefoot in the rain- those days really were the best.

SUMMERRRRR

Wasn't too bad!

June, I spent as a live-in nanny. They picked me up Sunday evenings and brought me home Friday afternoons to watch their cute kid, Abby. I have too many adorable pictures, umm.....

I went to Warped once again, the "traveling concert" with Kei Riggins and her bro, Drex who were awesome. We met a few bands and I saw some of my new favorite musicians like Go Radio, Every Avenue, and more! It was incredible, hot, and too much fun.

OH OH OH OH OH OH.
Back in June, I saw The Maine AGAIN with Augustana and Austin Gibbs. It sort of beat the first concert, but in a way it didn't because my sisters picked me up too early so I didn't get the chance to meet any of them.

^ In order of their set, that's Austin Gibbs, John O'Callaghan of the The Maine, and Dan Layus of Augustana^

The weekend after my birthday, I also saw This Century who are personally good friends with The Maine, and I got to meet 3/4 of the band [ryan was deliberately avoiding us or something] But these guys were amazing though they had such a tiny crowd [somehow for some wierd reason, because the building should have been properly crowded]

THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Before summer could end, my family and I made our final trip with our family passes to Disneyland and California Adventures! We split up a time or two in various ways and grabbed pictures with some of our favorite people! I'll never be able to get enough of that magical place!

Shortly after, I returned to Cedar City after a bit of deciding. I remained a few days at home to give a lecture for her school group about the little voices in our heads that went well. Then I was up in Cedar, pretty alone without Jenessa there.

Still, I was living in the same house as Katie Barnes so that was good enough. I met the other girls as well as Jenee, who's just precious, and the crazy women, Jordann and Aleshea. Weird things happened but we went with the flow! A few parties, movie nights, bowls of popcorn and boys, and everything went well.

The last thing I should mention is the progression intooooo 2012!!

I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And not to visit- but to work there! I got accepted into their college program and chose that over Disneyland because it's cheaper [that defines half of mine decisions, I swear]. I'll get paid practically nothing and do a lot of boring work forever.

BUT it's a new place. New people. New everything.

And quite frankly, that's just what I need. A seriously new clean slate. It's something I've never really faced- anything I ever do, I do with someone else be it Jordyn my younger sister, Jenessa my older sister, or a friend- Stephanie, Kei, or Katie.

I've bought the plane tickets and I head out this following Tuesday for a flight to LA and then to Florida- a red eye, my favorite. It'll be my first time flying alone for one thing, and then trying to sort out everything after that.

Scared out of my wits like you have no idea but so excited. I'm ready for an adventure. 2012, HERE I COME!

*I intend, once I arrive, to update my blog every Sunday, if I'm lucky, to share how my new life is going! If there are certain details or anything you're ever looking for. My new address, a Disney discount, let me know ;)

That's Just Mean

Song: Ho Ho Hopefully- The Maine

Mood: my stupid eye is bothering me I need something to deter my attention


Something scary: how much five strangers can mean to you. Especially when a lot of the people I'm surrounded by sometimes don't mean a thing. You would think it's completely reversed that the people I get to talk to change my life over and over with our interaction.

Of course. All you have to do is just look at them:

See? But anyways. I did want to dedicate a whole piece to it but I figured it wouldn't be of interest for one thing, and for another it really wouldn't end.

BUT THEIR NEW ALBUM COMES OUT IN FOUR DAYS OKAY FOUR. 12/6/11 is going to be a beautiful day. You should listen to The Maine. Honest.

I spent about $15 to preorder. Then I just spent some money for Christmas gifts. I'm quickly going broke. And you know why? Because I would take a step here and take a step there and I kept walking in the wrong direction.

Funny how much my family thinks I save. It's almost laughable. Sometimes I wonder how much they think I have stashed because they seem to think it's quite a bit. They say how I'll never go broke because I always save so much.

A secret: just because I don't buy expensive items, doesn't mean I save. It just means I have plenty of money to spend on many more things. Unfortunately.

I've just been trying to figure it out. Studies show that money spent more on moments mean much more than buying items. Which seems obvious after you consider it, whereas I rarely do/go anywhere if it's going to cost me. So I've been slowly trying to focus on where I do want my money to go, where it'll mean the most. At first, I tried to loosen up as though money doesn't matter.

Except at this day and age, it kind of has to.

For me, personally, it's pretty vital. It means I can do something and more specifically, be somewhere. Because as much as I love my family, there comes a time where it really feels like the point of no return, and I only want to be there if necessary.

Holidays excluded. Of course it's time with the family!

But then again... I guess it does imply I should be growing up.
We'll see. Often I feel constrained because of my religion in what's appropriate, even for having my own house sometime. Even other members may see my ideas and wonder what my deal is. It bothers me that [as much as I love the tykes], children have to be considered asap as well as marriage.

So it makes me selfish, I understand. But hey, if I'm going to be a mother someday, I'm going to enjoy it- my way. We're going to build forts, eat celery sticks straight in the peanut butter jar and sneak an extra cookie now and then.

I'm rambling, aren't I? Well, it is getting pretty late, I suppose. I'll just leave you with some of my favorite house ideas, then? Most of them are bedroom options. But man, are they wonderful.

And one more for now: [it's not close to half]

Gratitude For Dummies

If you've looked through my past posts, you might realize something: I barely have any of my own pictures up. Instead, I amuse and intrigue you with other- hopefully delightful- snapshots. Maybe because I just don't the moments well and maybe because my camera sucks. But I will be posting a few pictures soon, I promise you this.

This year, Thanksgiving was a bit different.

First, I spent the last week with my grandparents. Wednesday to tomorrow, Friday morning. Pretty intense, especially if you know them. My grandma has Alzheimer's which isn't as amusing as it used to be. I'll have the same conversation with her five times all over, plus she likes to tease a little harshly. My grandpa tries to take it and is a good man, but there's not much he does about any of it except to get patient after a few times.

So it was just the three of us. Last night, my grandma woke up in the middle of the night and spent a long time in the bathroom, tossing up the sweets she'd had that day [too many]. So we weren't sure if we'd make it to Chuck-A-Rama.

Morning came and surprise, she was doing better [lots of prayers will do the trick]. So we left about 9:30, got there 9:45 and they usually don't open until 11 AM. But they told my grandpa, waiting in line, they'd open at 10:30 A line was starting to form but hey, we were the first ones in line!

We were leaving by 11:30. I enjoyed two hot chocolates, three different dishes of turkey alongside chicken, a roll, corn, and more. I barely even managed any dessert at the end, I was full.
Then we tried to stop at Barnes & Noble but of course they were closed. I spent maybe an hour back at the house talking to my family- sort of really missed out on the family Thanksgiving at my uncle's. Our family gatherings get so much more interesting the older you get, after all.

Movie time commensed, and that's how we spent the rest of the day. My grandparents headed to bed about 6PM and I've been in my little hut since, trying to find things to do on the computer after packing up to go back in the morning.

Thanksgiving just felt... very... unconventional? I don't know, I can't think of the right words, if there are even any of those...It didn't feel like any different day, I suppose. Which was disappointing- if there is any reason to celebrate, I want to celebrate!

Back to working on my story, I suppose. Making another bucket list as well ;)

PS:

i am thankful

for my health, because it’s good 90% of the time so i can have fun, and enjoy nature

for my friends; because the ones who leave me have still taught me something and for the few who stick around because it reminds me i am worth something

for my schooling because i have paid for it all by myself, literally and emotionally

for the music and bands in my life because they remind me every time when i feel alone, someone will always be there

for my Heavenly Father because of all He has given me and all that He teaches me whether i like it or not

for my talents because without them, i would be twice and lost and they give me hope

[for my pet dog because he fits in my family perfectly and his soul is beautiful and hilarious]

for my family, because i know they will never leave me no matter how much they sometimes may want to; because we can hate each other and be laughing again ten minutes later; because we are one crazy puzzle that fits together perfectly with our faults, weaknesses, strengths, and love

Writing Is Righting

Song:"Fix It" by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

Feeling: Slightly tipsy, almost amused, and downright depressed

I know. That's what I get for drinking ginger ale four days in a row. I'm such a sinner. But I've never been one to turn down drinks so what can I do?
But seriously. I do attribute my recent moods to the food around me. I eat eggo waffles or cereal for breakfast and three hours later I'm at Chuck-A-Rama or Subway, and then I have a milkshake, a banana, and maybe chips later. I could blame my grandparents, seeing as they're the ones paying for everything, but maybe I shouldn't.

The reason I'm almost amused is because I'm right at work writing my novel! I've written almost a thousand words in the last hour which is actually incredibly sad. I'm usually a lot farther along. This is difficult.
Here's a short piece I just wrote:

“How are you feeling? Did you get some rest? You didn’t… stay out long,” she adds softly. “Hungry?”
People ask so many questions like they deserve every answer but that’s never made sense to me. Of course, who is to decide who deserves what? I glance at the ceiling but there’s not an answer to be heard nor found. Trying to quell my disappointment, I glance around and wrap my arms against my own skin in a tight hug of protection. “N-not.”

Sometimes when I write, I really enjoy it. I even laugh now and then. For now and then, a word or two is poetic and other times it just turns out really funny. To me, anyways. I wouldn't know what others would see because no one has seen all of what I have so far, to be honest. A piece here and there for a few, but um... yeah. It hasn't been shown.

Now for the depressing bit.

My favorite band is The Maine. Their new album [I already preordered, obviously] comes out in FIFTEEN DAYS. 12/6/11 cannot come soon enough, that's what.
Anyways, the new album is titled "Pioneer"
And for it, they just started a TOUR going the rest of the year.

Short, I know. But so perfect. They're playing from every album, including every song from the new album. I've seen the track listing but they're trying not to share all the songs just yet. These wonderful amazing guys have gone out of their way to do all that they can- they've helped pay for fans to drive there, for tickets, and for rides home just alone- and for "Pioneer", they self-produced and paied for everything. Are these boys rich? No, not really. But they wanted to do that for themselves, and for their fans.

Tomorrow night, they'll be playing close to my home. As in California. As in, where I am currently way too far away. I still don't think you can understand my frustration.
Which is why tomorrow I will most likely go crazy and during that lonely time where people are watching them, I'll be on here, telling everything you should know about these wonderful, adorable, and talented boys.

So... yeah. It's going to be pretty sad tomorrow. Especially because my grandparents are tired about and always in bed by 6 PM.

ENJOY LIFE IT'S THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE GETTING

Long Time, No Chat

It's been a few weeks. Okay, probably a month, at the least. If not more. But what can I say? Lift just got in the way.

As did Bones as the show started up again. In addition, I try to stay updated on: Psych, Criminal Minds, Modern Family, and I've also recently begun The Mentalist and Community.

Oh and I can't stop watching pieces of this beautiful show on youtube.


So, obviously, I'm pretty preoccupied.

Okay, okay. But I do have some legit reasoning. Working a few odd jobs in Cedar, sorting out my future- every few weeks I get a new email about my future work at Disney World in Orlando, FL where I will be next January. Then I had a ridiculous three page paper to write.

And Nano!
Which is what we insiders call it. To the rest of you, it's National Novel Writing Month. There's more to November than Thanksgiving, Christmas music, and No-Shave-November. This project is for writers all around the world who choose to start a novel and write 50k [that's five thousand] words within those 30 days.

My only problem is that as incredible as my story will be- outlined with 22k so far- I just keep getting immensely distracted with... well, more stories. I had started one earlier this year which I finished just today- 72k! Plus just last week I started something else and I've already written about 15k and I really don't want to quit on that because it's just so much fun, you know?

But I'm going to still and do what I can. The story I'm doing for this is one I've been working on for about three years and it means a lot to me. I've put in so many hours of work for it and it's just special.

Among other things, I'm trying to relearn patience around those closest to me. I've gotten better at expressing myself instead of hiding things away like I have done most of my life [I didn't think people would really care or want to listen]; but as I've grown more blunt, I've lost patience and some empathy which I've always understood completely.
It's a tough life, really.

Anyways, I'm eating out every day and watching at least two-three movies a day as well doing hardly anything but sitting on my bum constantly here at my grandparents for Thanksgiving. They've splurged so much on me, i love it but it almost makes me sick.

Sort of excited to go home. My... excitement has been draining lately. All day, really. Or yesterday? No, today. But hey, I need to learn patience, right?

Hopefully I'll pick this up and pretend people don't even know what's going on in my life right now or something like that.
Fare thee well!

Silly Suits

Song: "Happy Endings Are Stories That Haven't Ended Yet" by Mayday Parade

Feeling: The awkward moment when you're very curious to know who you've pissed off in the past, and why.

I'm not kidding. James came over today to keep to his promise about my guitar springs. Last month he got out my acoustic guitar to play and broke a string and he promised to fix them. Last night Tuesday was in town and he stopped over and I was just annoyed at a lot of people and so we sorted that out wonderfully.

Anyways, he was fixing my strings and we started talking about people pissing us off sort of, and I asked him if I'd ever done that to him. He said no but I have done it to people before.

So, you know, obviously I'm painfully curious now. It's more interesting than finding out who likes me [although I don't think anyone does...?], although he won't say.

Now growing up, I tried to make things easier for others. I tried not to argue but let people step over me for what they wanted. I kept a lot of my opinions and questions to myself, just so I wouldn't bother people. In fact, I could completely override my own emotions just for others.

-Then I realized that was wrong, your feelings always matter no wonder the case, and I guess I flipped all the way around, to sort of not caring.

I'm a bit more blunt now. You can't read my expression half the time so I look upset, sad, or angry [apparently, I wouldn't know] and my humor's just gotten a bit more dry. Oh, and I'm a little more blunt about the company I don't like.

Clues for unlikable company:
Not meeting the eye
Being distracted by everything else
Conversation continues to fall flat
No smiling

Please, I hope people start to understand clues like this. I'm pretty pro at being obvious about it lately, I believe- although I'm afraid there are some very [painfully] socially awkward people about. It's just not healthy nor right, really. At one point it just crosses the point from entertaining to just...horrible.

For our sakes:
Pay attention to the direction of the currently flowing conversation
We know you want attention, but people were talking, want to talk, so take turns
Dress well [if you're not five, then wear matching articles of clothing]
Before you say anything, repeat it to yourself
Be considerate
Too friendly is too creepy

And that's just a starter. Okay, so some say fashion doesn't have to do with who you are- but who are they kidding? In this society, we make snap judgments and label people within the first few seconds of meeting- not minutes, but seconds. I, personally, feel I'm pretty good at figuring people out and I'm rarely, if ever, wrong.
Okay, so I was wrong, once. But only slightly.

The way you dress describes who you are. Wearing Juicy is like wearing fake prada- it's a brand but it's not that quality so you look like you're trying to climb up the chain. With something like Prada or Vuiton [???who cares??], you look a bit like a snob. If your clothes don't match, you probably look five and thus socially incapable of anything. If you're dressed super down without hair done, you look tired, hectic, and somewhat poor. If you wear a constantly visible belt buckle and cowboy boots, you're most likely a [wanna be] hick.

Yes, I'm talking to you, Utah.

Now, this mostly amuses me, actually. My roommates come from Wyoming, Utah and Texas where we all believe the cowboys, real or not, began. They all like cowboys. And I don't. Which I sort of pride myself on now, although I'd probably take a liking to any man from a Louis L'Amour book, to be honest.
But really, now. Hunting, riding horses... they're all the same. It's a little disturbing, and I don't find it attractive, to be quite frank.

Of course, I don't necessarily find a man in a business suit and buzz cut attractive. The latter never is, in my view. Nor are sweats attractive [that goes for girls also] Well, I'm not necessarily attracted to any man in a suit- unless it's Ryan Gosling in 'Crazy Stupid Love.' And a man in a loose tie and rolled up sleeves could pull off with a skinny tie.

Then again, I always was picky. What can I say? I have high standards. I don't want to hang around just anyone. After all, you do come to be a lot like those that surround you. So, I try to be surrounded around more of... quality, I suppose you could say?
Hey, no one's perfect...

This was an interesting post. I'll probably come back to it someday and laugh. I blame this strangeness on Psych, which I watch daily. A few episodes a day, to be honest. A little unhealthy I guess, we'll see.

However I'm finally working on a proper outline of my novel. I wanted this done by the end of November, although I doubt that will happen. Though I do hope to get a bit farther- I don't want this to take years in the making. I've already spent three years on it, and I don't want much more because it deserves to truly progress and finish becoming.

Enough ranting.

Other news: I'm finally beginning to understand my Physics class, thank goodness. And I'm selling a few items over the web to make some money and it's slowly working.

BIG NEWS: Next semester I'm moving to Orlando, Florida! Not going to school, exactly= the Disney [World] College Program. January 11- May 11 2012, I will be working on the Attractions- not sure which one[s] yet!- at the park. I'll have an ID there so I can get in when I want. I'll have housing nearby with a bus that will take me to work for free everyday and to the grocery store down the street. I'll also be taking a course, most likely about the innovation of business, and it may be taught by high business executives and the like. I can't wait :)

So no, it's not school. And I won't come back with much money [hello, disney world, and trips to universal studios!!!], but I believe it's important for me to properly "fly the coop." Not like a criminal, but to finally go alone into the world and learn that way. Everything I've ever done was with either of my sisters or a friend, and doing this, I won't personally know anyone at first in the program.
Very terrifying. But I've fasted and I've prayed to Heavenly Father, and we've both decided together that it's something I need to do!

Feel free to visit me. I can get discounts, if you ever want to go to a park or something. Or just visit me. Please. Haha

Have a swell day, my sweets.